Can Cheating Help Reinforce Healthy Eating?
I know I’m not the only one whose children’s grandparents thwart the real food system with offers of candy, ice cream, chips, hot dogs, fast food restaurants, and chocolate milk.
It seems that one of the most common conversations about food that I enter into starts with, “So how do you handle family members who don’t buy into what you’re eating?…”
To many grandparents, love equals sweets.
The question as a real food, healthy eating family is how to balance teaching children to love and honor their grandparents, not be afraid of food, and yet also how to eat and enjoy healthy foods while understanding that junk food can hurt their bodies.
A tip: Saying, “Grandma’s food will kill you,” is NOT the way to go.
I jest, but sometimes I feel like shouting that from the rafters.
We know our kids’ grandparents have the best of intentions and nothing but love for their grandkids, so we do try to emphasize healthy eating and give tiny tidbits of information when we’re together. We’ve also realized we can’t completely micromanage food when they’re caring for our kids. (If we had a gluten sensitivity or actual food allergy, by the way, this would be a different story, but so far, our healthy eating is just a lifestyle and health choice.)
Our family lived through a rather unique situation last fall. We were between houses and actually lived with the junk-food-loving grandparents for five months.
Food was a major factor and stressor on my mind as we navigated how the new extended family living situation would work.
We knew we didn’t want our kids eating Grandma and Grandpa’s food on a daily basis, but we also felt guilty taking away the pleasure the grandparents took in “spoiling” the kids occasionally when they would take them for a sleepover.
Since life was one big sleepover every day, we needed a compromise, and a new family tradition was born.
We decided that Sunday would be dubbed “Grandma/Grandpa Spoil Day” for as long we lived there.
The definition of “Spoil Day” –
- The kids get to eat Grandma and Grandpa’s food (this usually meant lots of sugary cereal in the morning – don’t let Uncle Sam read this!)
- They got to eat two desserts instead of one (often became an after-church doughnut)
- Grandma and Grandpa also could take the kids out to eat
- Mom had to do her best to keep her mouth shut and pretend she didn’t see what was going on
I don’t want to boast, but it really was a brilliant idea. We opened up many conversations about healthy eating throughout the week, in conversations with topics like, “Why is Grandma’s _______ junk food?”
It gave the kids (and the grandparents) something to look forward to. They would talk about Spoil Day in anticipation all week.
It gave us an “out” and ended arguments and begging:
Child, desperately, as if their life is ending: “Whyyyyyy can’t I have a [nitrate-laden conventionally farmed lunchmeat] sandwich with Grandpaaaaaaa??!!??”
Mom, brightly: “Wait until Spoil Day! Then you can!”
Plus, I got a break from feeding the whole family, and if they went out, we had a much quieter house for an hour or so.
I hate to say it, but creating a tradition of UNhealthy eating on one day a week and making it special for the grandparents was the best way to preserve our healthy eating habits the rest of the week. (We also survived the experience with our relationships intact, which was pretty important to us.)
Now that we live in our own home, the kids still look forward to “Spoil Day,” which is now anytime they get to go to the grandparents’ on their own. I send our “good milk” to go with the junky cereal, and sometimes I harbor secret hopes that they will feel terrible after 24 hours of eating junk food and restaurant fare and decide for themselves that they don’t want to bother with it.
Unfortunately for me, that part isn’t happening yet. (Yes, I just wished ill health on my children. I’m vying for the “bad mommy” award whenever possible.)
However, my kids do understand our goal of healthy eating and that it’s different than most of the world, and allowing them to let their hair down is a little insurance policy against total rebellion as they get older…I hope.
I also still get to stave off tantrums in the store by saying, “You can eat your junk food at Grandma’s house!” and my kids are able to make healthy snacking decisions, like my 4-year-old preschooler who told me yesterday, “They had junky crackers and those yogurt tubes…there were no healthy choices, but I had to eat something! I chose yogurt.” (She knows the tubes have a lot more sugar and colors than our regularly scheduled homemade yogurt.)
Now my only question is what to say when they go to friends’ houses and say, “Do you have anything other than junky crackers? I only eat junk food at my Grandma’s house…”
Can we start a family tradition of hiding under a rock?
What do you do to balance family relationships and food disagreements?
Be well!
Katie
Check out my latest posts here
Nov 08, 2012 @ 07:19:00
Haha you are not alone is wishing they would get a tummy ache after eating candy and such. In the back on my mind I am hoping it will teach them a lesson (not that I would really want them sick!) lol but it never does. I struggle not only with the Grandparents letting them have candy and eating out and such but also with the gift giving and letting them have a lot of things they ask for. Then they come home and it doesn’t work that way here. It’s frustrating sometimes to constantly remind them that just because Nana lets them have juice boxes several times a day doesn’t mean it’s good for them and I will too!
Nov 08, 2012 @ 18:20:00
Candice,
I know, my kids LOVE junk food and candy. Love it. I can’t say that I don’t also enjoy total junk, at least some of it some of the time. (I’m proud that certain things don’t hold any temptation for me anymore though!)
And the gift giving thing? One of those other conversations I’ve had a million times. Just ask my sagging toy shelves…
Katie
Nov 09, 2012 @ 06:19:00
I saw it.
I wanted it.
I told Grandma.
I got it.
lol AND sigh
Nov 08, 2012 @ 07:39:00
We do the same thing, right down to hoping for the tummy ache! It can be awfully lonely when other real foodies act as though you are killing your kids because you let Grandma feed them junk on occasion and SADers act like you are insane for not thinking GMOs, transfats and neurotoxins are something that should be consumed day in and day out. One of the things I found strength before I found others who live in a middle ground was that not only was my kids health important, but so was teaching them to be grateful, kind and polite. While our food values are important they must also balance with our moral values too.
Nov 08, 2012 @ 13:30:00
Heather, It isn’t possible to satisfy all of the people all of the time, and it can feel like we’re being pulled in different directions, whether it’s food or some other issue. You’re so right about not letting that stuff overshadow everything else.
Nov 08, 2012 @ 18:19:00
Oh, my goodness, Heather, well said!
” It can be awfully lonely when other real foodies act as though you are killing your kids because you let Grandma feed them junk on occasion and SADers act like you are insane for not thinking GMOs, transfats and neurotoxins are something that should be consumed day in and day out.”
(Katie clicks the invisible “like” button 50 times.)
Nov 12, 2012 @ 16:51:00
Such a great thing. If we didn’t have allergies, I’d consider holidays to be that 10% of bad eating. It’s how we got through every Thanksgiving in the past. This is our first as a dairy free family, which makes eating all the bad stuff almost impossible.
Nov 08, 2012 @ 08:04:00
I love you Katie
Sometimes I’d like to yell the same thing. I am really trying to find a balance with these issues still. We have been struggling with TV watching as well. I do let them watch TV a little (Cars is actually on right now) but I limit it to only when I really need time, like to take a shower or pay important bills. I recently was very annoyed that I walked in on my son watching TV all by himself when I thought he was helping gramma and the next day I may have said that TV makes people dumb… now my 3 year old keeps telling me movies will make him dumb.
Nov 08, 2012 @ 18:12:00
Lori,
Katie
I nearly woke a sleeping nursling just now laughing at your “I MAY have said…” Mwah! That stuff does come out of my mouth way too often.
Nov 08, 2012 @ 10:35:00
We do something similar. When we’re at Grandma’s house, I know that we’ll be eating mostly Grandma’s food, although we usually do shop for some of our own food if we’ll be there a bit longer. And usually by the second day or so, I can see the difference in their diapers, and at least one of them gets a rash. They’re not old enough to connect the dots that it’s because of the junky food. We usually offer to cook at least one night while we’re there as well, and that helps.
Nov 08, 2012 @ 18:11:00
Katherine,
I was just having a conversation with a friend this week about Grandma’s food actually making the kids sick (after they got home) and I really think that most Grandmas love their grandkids so much that if it was explained to them, lovingly and gently, how their health is affected, they’d make every attempt to help you stick to your diet. Do you think? My MIL does understand my husband’s gluten sensitivity and has gone out of her way to make sure he has GF options at her house. The “health” card is more powerful than the “healthY eating” card, because the latter seems more like a choice with which one can argue, while the former has stronger evidence.
Nov 08, 2012 @ 13:24:00
Katie, This is hilarious and brilliant! I’m safely past this stage, but I well remember it.
When my son was young, my mom used to work as a cook. She mentioned one of her colleagues cooked with margarine instead of butter. We went to visit my mom at work and her colleague offered him a cookie. You can imagine the look on her face when he said, “Does it have hydrogenated fat?”
Nov 08, 2012 @ 18:08:00
Bridget,
Katie
Holy cow, smart kid!!
I’m dying laughing over here!
Nov 08, 2012 @ 13:27:00
So what did you do about eating healthy the rest of the week while you lived with the grandparents, i.e. NOT on Spoil Day? When we visit my in-laws, we are often there for a week or more at a time and don’t usually have the budget or assertiveness to commandeer Mom-in-law’s kitchen and do all the cooking… I would love some ideas for how to eat differently than they do while we visit, without offending them or criticizing their choices (Diet Coke for breakfast, etc.).
Nov 08, 2012 @ 18:07:00
Marisa,
Well, 5 months was pretty different from a week visit, so I actually did offer to do the cooking for dinner and breakfast and lunches were just on our own…my MIL is actually really good about make an awesome effort when we visit for dinner, like chili, baked chicken and veggies, pot roast and potatoes, cut raw vegs, stuff like that.
Maybe for a visit you keep things like granola, homemade beef jerky, nuts, etc. around so you can augment whatever is served. I know some folks offer to share in the cooking and do a few meals while the grandma plays with the kids, hoping that’s what she really wants to do anyway…but if the grandma loves to bake junk food and wouldn’t dare let anyone in her kitchen, then, well…say an extra prayer before dinner and try to find the balance!
Katie
Nov 09, 2012 @ 07:29:00
Katie, This is a great idea! We live close to both sets of grandparents, so we don’t have quite the same situation. However, one day a week (but only if the kids have been good in school) they get to have “unhealthy snack day”. They are allowed to eat one unhealthy item of their choosing. Most of the time my 9 year old son forgoes it for something healthy because he is learning how it makes him feel. On occasion, I will even buy them their favorite “junk” from the store, but they are only allowed to eat it on “unhealthy snack day.” I, like you, hope that by allowing them some unhealthy items occasionally, they won’t binge on junk food later.
Julia
Nov 09, 2012 @ 08:32:00
Great timing! My boys go to Grandma’s tonight. However, grandma, though conventional, is not a sweet/junk lover herself. She eats low grain (and keeps my boys gluten free). My dad likes the junk, but my mom keeps him in check. I figure the conventional eggs, bacon etc. or whatever else they may eat there a few days out of the year when we are altogether is no worse (and likely better) than any fast food. I am thankful my family is supportive. Someone mentioned once the 80/20 and I totally agree. If I make and serve the food 80% of the time, I am not going to worry about the other 20% (or less) that we have elsewhere. We do try to maintain gluten free always (Who knows if we get cross contamination. I have chosen not to worry extensively about that.). I believe that food choices do have an effect on our health, but I do know I will die one day anyway and therefore I have chosen not to worry about the 20%.
Nov 09, 2012 @ 19:32:00
I’m right there with you, with my 3 kids (6, 5 and 3) who go to Grandma’s house at least once a week and talk for the whole car ride about the fruit snacks, sugar cereal, and ice cream bars. Sometimes I wonder if our real food diet sets them up to seem like greedy pigs! They actually DO get bellyaches almost every time they go over (my 5 yr old frequently throws up after a treat), and even though I tell my mom she STILL can’t wait to offer it! Because, of course, if they had it more regularly they’d be fine like I was when she fed me Hostess cupcakes all the time.
My kids connect it, but the taste of that treat food is still good enough, when they know the bellyache is going to come.
On a weekend trip to family this summer, though, they did pass up all the food at one (especially unhealthy) house. They each had one bite of wonder bread and Kraft cheese slices, and whispered that it was not real food. One said, “I think they gave us plastic food from the toy kitchen.” There was nothing my kids would eat there, so I snuck in some homemade crackers and granola bars! It was good to see that the worst food isn’t a treat to them, at least.
Nov 11, 2012 @ 18:36:00
Charlotte,
Definitely encouraging! I bet/hope your kids will begin to have more self-control and respect their bodies’ reactions (I kind of hope I start to do that, too, umm…)
Nov 12, 2012 @ 14:06:00
We are pretty much the same way only we have our spoil day usually once every week or two weeks when we all go out to eat. I am home all day with my children. I make everything from scratch and try to buy the best of things. We do not eat cereal anymore(woohoo) but my husband is not always on board with what I make on the weekends. I cant be too healthy for him because he just won’t change. We dont say no to eating out or going with friends..we just limit the amount we do. Birthday parties are the worst but if it is a party at my sisters I try to suggest a healthy home cooked meal to go along with the ice cream and cake. Its about balance. My kids know that we eat healthy and as natural as we can because all that bad stuff will ruin our bodies one day but they are kids and saying no to what all their friends are having is hard. It also helps that I homeschool so they have to eat healthy all day hehe.
Nov 12, 2012 @ 16:48:00
With a dairy allergy kid, I don’t have too much of an issue with this and my son. I grew up almost Traditional Foods style as a kid so my mom and dad don’t have issue with our new food lifestyle and my mom doesn’t have to think hard to cook differently except to take out dairy.
Now my husband’s family who talks of how awesome great-grandma was a cook. They eat the SAD Thanksgiving diet and when we visit their homes, my son and I practically starve. This Thanksgiving is at our house and it will be all Traditional Foods with a few more desserts. No one is bringing anything because they all live too far away or don’t cook. The only person I’d willing let cook is my SIL’s boyfriend, but then he’s a chef who is all about cooking from scratch. I’ve gotten thumbs up from him with our food choices. Sadly he can’t make it. I’m sure I’ll hear complaints about no REAL green bean casserole, but I won’t be cooking the canned version since it is full of allergens and my house has been declared a dairy free household.
This might seem harsh but for us it was the only way to avoid me crying through Thanksgiving because there was only 1 or 2 items safe for my son and I to eat.
Nov 12, 2012 @ 20:55:00
I don’t think that sounds harsh at all, just smart!!!
I don’t know about the crunchy things on top of a green bean casserole, but can you make a dairy-free cream sauce from scratch and use real mushrooms? It will probably be better than the canned version…
I hear coconut milk does better in a cream sauce than almond milk. Good luck, and stick to your guns! Your son will appreciate being able to eat dinner. 
Katie
Nov 15, 2012 @ 09:48:00
This is great! While we are not quite as healthy as you (yet), I have been encouraged by the things my children have been saying lately. They talk about wanting to be healthy. They know the main things like enriched, hydrogenated, fake sugars, artificial coloring, etc. and they know they are not good for you. We started our healthy eating journey a little later in life (we have 6 children 17,15,11,9,6,5), so our almost 18 yr old has had more of an adjustment than our 5 yr old obviously. My extended family laughs at some of the things my children say and some think we are a little funny with all our canning and purchasing raw milk, but I wouldn’t change anything. They listen to me sometimes, esp my mother who is trying like me to figure out this healthy eating lifestyle and balance it all. I don’t really worry about what my kids have at their grandparent’s house when they go to stay. I figure as long as it’s once in awhile, it’ll be ok. I think being a food nazi will definitely make them tune me out. Loved reading this!