28 Mar 2012
Weight Loss Wednesdays focus on hearing from people currently on their weight loss journey or who are maintaining weight loss as they share their stories and write about topics related to keeping it off. Roni Noone is a force to reckon with. She inspires us with the honesty on her blog, is a mover and shaker as the creator of FitBloggin’ and her efforts to foster community with other healthy living bloggers.
I hated my body for as long as I can remember. I think I was 11 or 12 when I started hiding in baggy close and comparing myself to skinny friends. I was aware that others saw me as “chunky.” My father, on more then one occasion, would point out my 10-20 extra pounds.
It was then I started to diet.
In High School there were times I would do 100 sit ups before bed and eat nothing but salad for lunch and a small portion of dinner. Part of me at that time wished I were anorexic. I know how bad that sounds, but it’s true. I longed to be thin. I would look at my thin friends with envy and wondered what it would be like to wear a bathing suit with confidence. I knew I wasn’t obese and I knew most people didn’t think I was “fat” but I was unhappy in my skin. I started wearing oversized clothes and men’s jeans thinking I would hide my chunky frame and round belly.
In college the common freshmen 15, or should I say 25, reared its ugly head. I was not preoccupied with being thin then I was having too much fun eating late night meals and getting my fill at the all you can eat college commons. Do I even need to mention the beer. Ok, I will. there was beer and a lot of it. (sorry mom)
I remember one year I returned home for winter break where a very honest family member pointed out the fact I “put on a few pounds” during a holiday meal. I was in tears. Yet, I didn’t really do much about it. That summer I watched what I ate and dropped a few pounds, settling into a new comfortable higher weight and size.
This cycle continued throughout college. Every school year I would gain about 20 pounds only to lose about half of that the following summer. By the time I graduated I was almost 30 lbs heavier then I was in high school.
I was depressed I let myself go as much I did yet I still really didn’t do much about it. I remember wanting to be thin and trying to get control of me eating but never staying motivated enough to stay on a diet. My need to eat always seemed to take over my desire to be thin.
I entered graduate school immediately after undergrad. Within the year I was over 200 pounds. Nothing fit. I had to buy a business suit for graduation 2 sizes larger then I’ve ever worn. I was horrified, depressed, and mad at myself for not doing anything about it. I now longed to be that “chunky” girl in high school. I looked at pictures of myself in disbelief. I was skinny! What the heck was I thinking back then?
Post-college I was on a mission. In that first year after graduate school, I lost about 45 lbs. How did I do it? I really don’t want to tell you but I will. I tried everything: the zero calorie diet, fasting, the Zone, Xenadrine, and finally Atkins. I found the most success on low carbohydrate dieting. I was a low carb guru. I knew the “net effective carb” count of everything. I would eat bacon, bun-less cheeseburgers and pounds of cheese. It seemed perfect for me. I was able to eat large portions of foods I liked.
I finally found a weight loss solution but there was one teeny tiny flaw. I was obsessed. I dreaded eating out, I agonized over every decision and it wasn’t healthy. I mean emotionally healthy. The weight started coming back on, I just could not eat like that long term. I’d gain and lose the same 20lbs.
Then, in the summer of 2004, my husband and I decided we would try to start a family. I still had losing weight on the brain and I thought I would try Weight Watchers. It seemed like a healthy alternative to what I was doing. I knew I couldn’t cut all carbohydrates out of my diet and I had to start eating healthier to carry a child. I tried the point system. It seemed so simplistic and easy, I had to try it. In the next 4 weeks, I lost about 11 pounds. I could not believe it. I didn’t feel deprived. I was eating real foods, including carbohydrates, and losing weight.
Then the good news came, I was pregnant! I was happy but scared. I knew I could not continue to diet and I was worried I would be out of control. My worst fears came true. I ate healthy throughout the pregnancy but I ate a lot, I mean a LOT. I gained over 70lbs with the pregnancy. It was significant, excessive.
I walked back into Weight Watchers with my two-week-old son. He was my ultimate motivation. I did not want to be a self-conscious, unhealthy mom who used her body image and weight to miss out on things.
I dove in headfirst and followed the Weight Watchers program. I stayed in my point range and made healthier choices. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and started getting more active and adventurous. I discovered that as long as I was journaling, eating healthy foods, being honest about what I really was eating and staying active, I was losing. It was truly unbelievable to me.
It is still unbelievable to me. After 6 years I’ve been able to maintain a healthy weight and I gave birth in 2011 to another ball of motivation.
I am now confident in my body (most of the time) and in myself. My journey may have started as a quest to be skinny but I’ve gained so much more then I have lost.