18 Jan 2012
It was only four years ago that I was sitting in my car at 3am with a huge bag of Mexican fast food right next to me. I did it quite often. I was over 400 pounds and loved to eat. This was a nightly ritual after work, kind of like a reward. I would order close to $30 worth of food and just sit in a parking lot and eat. The weird part is that while I was eating, I would become sadder. I would feel numb and think about losing weight after inhaling each burrito.
I thought about change.
Change is hard. When you have over 200 pounds to lose, you truly feel like it cannot happen. I will be the first one to admit it. Who wants to eat less when you have eaten so much for so long? Who wants to exercise when you are already out of breath after getting up?
Looking back though, change was not hard, my life was: wondering if my pants would fit me for work, or would I outgrow them in a couple of days; not being able to make love to my wife and simple tasks like going to the bathroom became a huge issue. I was already taking medication for my blood pressure and cholesterol in my twenties. I should not have been so comfortable in a miserable life.
Yet, change was not in the cards. I would continue to eat. I have known how to lose weight since I was 14 years old. At 32, weight loss knowledge meant nothing to me. Food was more important than anything else.
What makes someone change? My doctor told me I needed to lose weight or I would not see 35, yet I continued to eat. I saw my wife cry because of my size, yet I continued to eat. People begged me to get healthy. People offered me help. I refused it. I did not want to change.
For some, change is necessary. That is the way I looked at it in February of 2008. I was 420 pounds. I had to change the way I lived my life. I had to change the amount of food I put in my system. I had to change the person I was.
Change was hard the first day. Eating much less. It got a little easier the second day, then the third. Finally I realized that this was going to be my life.
I lost 221 pounds. I became active. I had a different outlook on food.
Today I am a changed man. I do not wake up at 5am for food; I wake up to go to the gym. I can buckle a seatbelt with ease. Going to the bathroom is normal now.
I can honestly say, do not expect to change if you do not want to. For me… it was necessary. I am glad I changed.
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